Proverbs 16:24 Taming the Tongue: Sweet Words
Bee Jokes
My text this morning, my key verse, is Proverbs 16:24:
24 Gracious words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Since the verse talks about honey, I thought I’d look to see if there were any good beekeeper jokes. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into! (Nothing bad.) It seems there are message boards for nearly anything on the internet, including beekeepers. I came across a bunch of chat boards for those who keep bees, including quite a large number of beekeeper jokes.
Remember, if you offend an audience of beekeepers, you may hear some veiled threats.
I don’t promise that these are all funny, but here are a few jokes about bees:
Q: What is small, black and yellow, and drops things?
A: A fumble bee.
Q: If there’s a bee in my hand, what’s in my eye?
A: Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
Q: What music do bees like? Bee-bop, Bee-thoven, Bee-yoncé, The Bee-tles, Bee-stie Boys, Cros-bee, Stills, Nash & Young, or Justin Bee-ber?
A: None of the Above. They like Sting!
Q: When do bees get married?
A: When they’ve found their honey!
Q: Can bees fly in the rain?
A: Not without their little yellow jackets!
And my personal favorite:
A man in a movie theater notices a honey bee sitting next to him.
"Are you a honey bee?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing here at the movies?"
The honey bee answers, "Well, I liked the book."
We’re not going to talk about bees today. Today, we are finishing our series called “Tongue-Tied.” For the past six weeks we’ve been looking at “sins of the tongue”, different ways our mouths can get us into trouble. We’ve covered grumbling, swearing, gossip, dishonesty and outrage. And we’ve been joking that that doesn’t leave a lot to talk about.
Before I finish the series, I thought I’d do a message on good ways to use our tongues. A message on more appropriate patterns of speech. And that’s where this verse comes in. Proverbs 16:24.
24 Gracious words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
We’ve looked at Proverbs a lot throughout this series. That’s because Solomon has a lot of warnings about misusing our tongue. But he also recognizes that there are good words we can use. Pleasant words. Gracious words. And he says that when we do, it’s like honey from a honeycomb.
Honey is good, isn’t it? Honey is naturally occurring sweetness. It’s a delicious treat packed with high-energy sugars. It’s a shelf stable food, and the honey we eat today is the same as the honey in Solomon’s day. Nothing artificial about it. Nothing added to it. Just busy little honey bees making this wonderful sweetness that brightens up your tea or tastes great on toast.
Moreover, ancient civilizations have always seen healing properties in honey. They often used honey-based mixtures to seal wounds and fight against infection. There’s some evidence that some of the enzymes bees contribute to honey to make it shelf stable also work to give honey some antibacterial clout.
And this proverb says that there are words that are like honey. There are words that have a wonderful effect. They are not just gracious and pleasant but sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
I want to end our series by talking about sweet words. And to do that, I took my Bible app and I searched the book of Proverbs for the words “lips”, “tongue” and “mouth” and I looked for all the proverbs that had something good to say about our words. Instead of looking for ways we can use our mouths to hurt, I looked for ways we can use our mouths to heal.
I’m going to jump around the book of Proverbs this morning, and I’m going to share a lot of verses with you, but these are five categories of sweet words that we can use. These are not the only kinds of gracious words we can use, just five that stood out to me. They give us an idea of some of the powerful ways we can use our tongues for good.
Keeping Silent
First: sometimes the best words you can speak are no words at all. No Words. If you want to improve the quality of your speech, think about saying less.
Look with me at Proverbs 10:19:
19 Sin is not ended by multiplying words,
but the prudent hold their tongues.
“Sin is not ended by multiplying words.” This is a little clunky in English. Other translations have “When words are many, sin is not absent” (NIV 1984); “In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin” (KJV) and “Too much talk leads to sin” (NLT). That last translation is probably the easiest to understand. What this Proverb is saying is that where there is a lot of talking, there is probably a lot of sin.
I know how true this is. Sometimes I go into a conversation, and I tell myself: “I’m not going to gossip. I’m not going to complain. I’m not going to let my mouth take me somewhere I shouldn’t go.” And then we get to talking, and the conversation jumps from one topic to another, and before I realize it we’ve been going on for an hour and I’ve gotten grumbly, and we’ve talked about how so and so did this and that, and the conversation ends and I realize I’ve said way too much.
“Sin is not ended by multiplying words.” “Too much talk leads to sin.” So what should we do?
Well, the prudent person, the wise person, holds his tongue. Say less. Talk less. And your mouth is much less likely to get you into trouble. Silence can be golden.
Here’s what Proverbs 11:12 says:
12 Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense,
but the one who has understanding holds their tongue.
Sometimes we think it makes us look smart when we can talk about our friends and neighbors. We think it shows we are “in the know” if we have all the latest details about their mistakes and bad choices. Sometimes it makes us feel big and important. But Solomon says if we are constantly belittling and despising people, it doesn’t make us look smart, it makes us look senseless.
If we want to look smart, Solomon says, if we want people to see that we are sensible, then hold our tongues. As we’ve all heard our mothers say: “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.”
Proverbs 17:28:
28 Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,
and discerning if they hold their tongues.
Even the dumbest person can look smart if they keep quiet.
And the opposite is also true. There’s a great quote, attributed both to Abraham Lincoln and Mark Twain, that goes like this: “Better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are a fool, then to open it and remove all doubt.”
Sometimes the sweetest words we can speak are no words at all.
Think Before You Speak
But, of course, sometimes words are necessary. The second category of sweet words are what I am going to call “considered words.” Considered words. This falls into the category of “think before you speak.”
Proverbs 12:18:
18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
The key word here is “reckless.” People who speak without thinking are reckless. They are careless. They run off at the mouth. Think of a reckless driver, careening through a crowd. People get hurt.
“The words of the reckless pierce like swords.” It’s nice to meet somebody who can make a point without stabbing people.
I read a story about an elderly man who had serious hearing problems for a number of years. His family tried again and again to convince him to get a hearing aid. Finally he relented and was fitted with a set of hearing aids that restored his hearing to 100%.
A month later he returned to the doctor to have his hearing tested and the doctor said with a smile, “Your hearing is perfect. I bet your family is really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet… I just sit around and listen; I’ve already changed my will three times.”
Reckless words lead to trouble.
But “the tongue of the wise brings healing.” When we consider our words, when we are careful with our words, we can bring a lot of healing to those who listen. Proverbs 15:28:
28 The heart of the righteous weighs its answers,
but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.
“Weigh your words.” That takes time, doesn’t it? That slows down your talking.
When I was a teen-ager, I worked for a very brief time at our local grocery store. And there was a meat counter in the back. And customers would come in and ask for a pound of sliced ham, or a pound and a half of sliced turkey. Irv the grocer would fire up the slicer and slice a pile of meat and then put it on the scale. He’d be a couple ounces short, so he’d run a couple more slices. He’d fuss and pick until he had just the right amount. It took a couple minutes. And I’d wonder, “Why don’t the customers just grab the pre-packaged ham?” But, of course, by taking his time and weighing it out, Irv was able to give the customers exactly what they wanted. He was serving them.
When we weigh our words, when we slow down our reckless mouths, it’s much easier to make sure our words are healing and not wounding. We can serve our listeners if we consider our words before we speak them.
A Soothing Tongue
So what are the words we should weigh out? Try to speak Kind Words. That’s my third category of sweet words. Kind words. Proverbs 12:25:
25 Anxiety weighs down the heart,
but a kind word cheers it up.
The King James has: “Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.”
That’s a good word picture, isn’t it? Solomon is so good at this. Anxiety is like a weight on our hearts. It feels like we are carrying around this heavy burden. And it’s true. There are physical symptoms of stress. We pull our shoulders in, we hunch over, we get tight muscles in our neck and back.
But then someone comes along and says a kind word. Somebody says something nice to us. A note of thanks. A word of appreciation. And suddenly, we stand up a little taller. Our shoulders relax. That weight gets a little lighter.
So the question is: who are we lightening the load for? Who are we speaking kind words to?
We can all do that for other people. “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Proverbs 15:4 says this:
4 The soothing tongue is a tree of life,
but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.
We can use our mouths to build life into people. The Christian recording artist Toby Mac has a song about this called “Speak Life”. Some of the lyrics are:
We can turn a heart with the words we say.
Mountains crumble with every syllable.
Hope can live or die
So speak Life, speak Life.
To the deadest darkest night.
Speak life, speak Life.
When the sun won't shine and you don't know why.
Look into the eyes of the brokenhearted;
Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope,
You speak love, you speak Life.
(If you know that song, it is now going to be rattling around in your head for the rest of the day. You’re welcome.)
We can all speak life. Seek opportunities to speak kind, tenderhearted words. Say something affectionate to a loved one at an unexpected time. Seek to only speak words that are “good for building up,” and that “give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).
The Right Kind of Kiss
Fourth, Honest Words. When we talk about sweet words, we are not talking about sickeningly sweet words. People who are always relentlessly upbeat and silver-lining and out of touch with reality. The truth is, sometimes negative things need to be talked about. Your mom’s saying: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” doesn’t always hold up. Sometimes, especially when you are a parent or a teacher or a supervisor or even a friend, you have to talk about things that aren’t so great. Here’s what Proverbs says about that. Proverbs 24:26:
26 An honest answer
is like a kiss on the lips.
A kiss on the lips is good, right? It’s nice to be kissed on the lips. The Message translation of this verse says “An honest answer is like a warm hug.”
Nobody likes to be lied to. And we don’t like it when people hide stuff from us or give us an evasive answer or hold back information we really need. Sometimes people say things we don’t really want to hear, but we know it is true, and so we appreciate that people have been honest with us.
I’ve been talking about my friend Matt throughout this series. His book, Resisting Gossip, is really what got me thinking about this series.
Well, anyway, after he got his book published, I started asking him for some advice because I wanted to try to publish a book myself. I sent him some things I had written and asked his opinion. He wrote back that he appreciated the point I was making, but I took too long getting there. He said that he was tempted to skim over the stuff at the beginning just to get to the interesting part at the end.
Ouch! But you know what? He was right. And his honest answer is what I needed to hear. If people want to skim over what I have written, it’s going to be pretty hard to get published, isn’t it? Matt’s been my first reader for everything I’ve tried to get published since, including the material that did become my book.
And if you do read my book and find that parts of it drag, chances are good that Matt told me to change it but I was just too stubborn to listen.
There’s another Proverb about this, 27:6:
6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted,
but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Here’s the wrong kind of kisses. This is what happens when we don’t get an honest answer. Flattery, false praise, evasiveness. We have a phrase for this, we call it “kissing up.” It doesn’t help. Proverbs 28:23:
23 In the end, people appreciate honest criticism
far more than flattery.
But remember, even as we are being honest, we can still be kind. Just because we are speaking the truth, that doesn’t mean we need to hit people over the head with it. Proverbs 15:1:
A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Matt was honest with me, but he wasn’t harsh. He was gentle. I knew that his answer came from a place of care. Honest words can be sweet words too.
Fitting Praise
Then, fifth: Affirming Words. When we give fitting praise to those around us, it is sweet. Compliments. Attaboys. Affirmation.
Proverbs 31 is the chapter about the Excellent Wife. This is about what to look for in a potential bride.
And what to do with her once you got her.
Proverbs 31 gives a list of the godly virtues of a noble wife, and then it ends like this:
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Four times it says that this woman is worthy of praise. Her children call her blessed. Her husband praises her. They praise her at the city gate. “A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
And the principle we can draw from this is that it is right and good to praise someone who has earned it. Not just a noble wife, but anyone who does something good. It is sweet to affirm those who have earned it.
When was the last time you told someone, “Good job!” “I like that.” “Well done.” “I’m proud of you.” ? Those are sweet words. Like honey from the honeycomb. Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
I’ve been reading a book called Practicing Affirmation by Sam Crabtree. It’s about giving God-centered praise to those who are not God. Only God deserves to be worshiped, but it is good to affirm the God-given virtues we see in others. How much better would our conversations be if we learned to affirm one another? I know this is something I can get a lot better at.
And Crabtree has a chapter in his book in which he gives some coaching about how to be affirming. Quickly, here are some things to keep in mind as we seek to sweeten someone’s day with compliments:
- Affirmation should be detached from correction.
It’s tempting to think: “I’ll just save up my compliments until I need to talk with someone about something hard. Then, to soften the blow of my criticism, I’ll share some affirmations first.”
It is a good idea to affirm the positive while we also point out areas for improvement, but if that is the only time we ever affirm someone, it loses its effectiveness. In fact, do this too much, and people will know that as soon as we say something nice, there’s probably something bad coming.
Crabtree writes:
Accordingly, it doesn’t work well to save up future affirmations, thinking, for example, that you want to speak with your husband about throwing his dirty socks on the floor, so you quickly rattle off a series of compliments like, “Thanks for paying the bills, shoveling the snow off the walks, and I see you shaved today. Now, about your socks…” Corrections tend to cancel affirmations, and the closer the proximity to correction, the more crippled the affirmation. (64)
- In the same way, Crabtree advises that we keep up a steady stream of affirmation.
Don’t assume that just because you said “I love you” on your wedding day that that covers you for the next 60 years. Crabtree says: “Yesterday’s refreshment doesn’t refresh permanently. You can’t stockpile freshness.” (67) We should always be on the lookout for things to praise in our spouse and in our children and in our co-workers and friends and we should seek to keep a steady stream of affirmation flowing.
- But, at the same time, commend only the commendable.
Don’t make stuff up. Don’t give false praise. Crabtree says: “If affirmations are not true, they will not truly refresh, and they won’t last for long. They won’t really build up, because they are lies.” (68) I talked about flattery a couple weeks ago. Flattery is not sweet. It actually works ruin (Prov. 26:28)
- Make sure that our affirmations are God-centered.
That doesn’t mean we have to talk about God every time we give a compliment, but that we should try to affirm the work of God that you see in the other person’s life.
Crabtree says that we help people be shallow when we focus our compliments on shallow or superficial things. If we only affirm how people look or the possessions they have, we are praising things that do not ultimately matter. Crabtree writes::
Such things are external. Rather, let us pay attention to patterns of character that emerge from the work of God going on inside a person…So make your commendations more about character than things like “you’re so cute.” Cute is a weak compliment. Cute comes and cute goes, and for most of us it’s well on its way out…While there is nothing wrong per se in complimenting a smile, it is better to commend cheerfulness. (69-70)
Instead of focusing on superficial things, or things that are beyond their control, compliment people for the evidence of God in their lives. If they have nice clothes, compliment their eye for color. If they have a nice home, compliment their sense of order. You get the idea.
Crabtree even has a chapter in his book with “100 Affirmation ideas for those who feel stuck.” We speak sweet words when we give fitting praise to those around us.
Pleasing in Your Sight
Finally, let me wrap-up this whole series about our tongues with one last piece of advice: Surrender our Speech to our Savior.
We’ve seen how influential our tongues are in our lives. And we’ve seen several ways that our tongues can get us into trouble. I’m pretty sure, if you’ve been around for even just a few of these messages, that we’ve all come under conviction that there are some patterns of speech in our lives that aren’t good.
It can be kind of discouraging. I’m guessing that for many of us, the fruit of this series is that we are just more aware of our sins of the tongue. I’m sure we’ve all caught ourselves grumbling or swearing or gossiping or lying in the last month. We don’t necessarily do it less, but we’re more aware of it when we are doing it. It can really drag us down.
As it says in James 3, the passage we started with, “no man can tame the tongue.” It’s not a surprise to God that we struggle with this.
So, again, what we need to do is surrender our speech to our savior. We can’t tame our tongues, so we have to turn them over to him.
At the end of Psalm 19 there’s little dedication. It’s like David is saying to God: “Here’s my song, God. I hope you like it.” But I also think it works as a prayer. A prayer that we can all say, every day. A way of offering our mouths to God.
It’s Psalm 19:14, and it reads like this:
14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
This is a verse that preachers will often pray before beginning a sermon, either silently or aloud. It’s a way of saying, “Lord, I want my words to honor you. Lord, use this message.”
But what if it wasn’t just a prayer for Psalmists and preachers? What if this was a prayer that we all used?
What if, when we wake up in the morning, we ask God to take the words of our mouths and the meditation of our hearts and make them acceptable throughout the day?
What if, as we walk into our place of work, we pray this prayer and surrender our speech to our savior?
What if, before we enter a tricky conversation or make a tough phone call, we silently offer up this prayer to God?
At the beginning of this series, we printed up bookmarks with advice for watching our speech from the book of James. A lot of you grabbed one or two, and I’ve heard that you’ve put them to good use.
I wanted to do something similar with this verse, but I wanted to make it even more accessible to you. So you might have noticed the QR code on the back of our worship order today. If you use your phone camera to scan that code, it will take you to a graphic with the words to this verse. If you want, you can save that photo and then set it as one of your wallpapers. I put it on my home screen.
And then, anytime you are about to enter into a tough conversation: somewhere you know you’ve been tempted to gossip or grumble in the past, a conversation where you might need to be careful about what you say or seek extra hard to be kind, you can open your phone and pray this prayer.
Surrender your speech to your Savior. Give Him control of your heart. Ask Him to help you speak in a way that is pleasing to Him.
